Secret Life of 30

Yup. I am a Millennial.

Think, Sex and the City— only I’ve never seen Sex and the City and I am pretty sure a large number of those of us in our early thirties haven’t and I am also pretty sure none of us watched that spin-off that involved a bunch of teenagers.  That was just weird.  Anyway—tangent.  Think, the worst results you can get on a random BuzzFeed quiz shaken together with responsibilities, coworkers (who strangely remind you of high school when you were specifically told high school wouldn’t last forever), and adult acne.

Yes.

Those are your thirties.  I have been wading through this shit show for a couple years now and I think it’s time for us to talk about it.  Let’s face it, if you’re in your early thirties like I am, you’re an explorer of a new frontier.  The MILLENNIAL 30-year-old.

That means you too, Mr./Ms. 33-year-old-who-is-trying-really-hard-not-to-claim-your-millennial-status-but-know-just-as-well-as-I-do-that-you-love-brunch-and-avocados. OWN IT.  We pay our bills, but we can barely afford our rent/mortgage/childcare/gas/electric/internet, much less that brunch I was just talking about.  We are a little angsty, but dress super well and many of us even have KIDS.  Others of us have multiple kids and one or two divorces under our belts *shrugs*, while others of us can’t even commit to a phone plan much less another human being or a permanent residence.

Listen, all of these run-on sentences are really just a long way of saying, we get it.  We are really all pretty similar.  We just want to live and do so in a relatively happy way.

Also, as it turns out, a bunch of random shit also starts happening like: an abundance of gray hairs, hairline wrinkles start forming, you have accepted yourself as yourself and really stop giving fucks about what the rest of the world thinks, your diet consists of more than pizza and ramen noodles, you prefer wine and beer (and a few cocktails her and there) over jaeger bombs and you probably own more than one blazer.

So, this is my sometimes crude, always honest, probably annoying (but whatever) in depth look at the ridiculous life of a 30-something-year-old woman.  I am pretty sure there is an adultier adult around here.  I am pretty sure I say that I am pretty sure very often because I am almost never actually sure.

Anyway, this is sort of just an intro to a series I am running about being 30, owning a home, and being a parent (please not that I go back and forth on the Oxford comma.  I am going to need you to accept that along with my other flaws).  Sometimes I like to avoid the lamently feels of my emotions and be a normal human being for a bit.  APPARENTLY, I CAN BE MULTI-FACETED!  Who knew?  I do now, and so do you.

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