I have always heard that there are three sides to every story—their side, your side and the truth. I never understood the mechanics of that adage until the process of divorce invaded my life. I say invaded because I never intended for it to exist in my life when I left my children’s father. I expected a few months of separation, some changes to be made and life to continue as it always had, but better. I guess God had other plans. If these are even His plans, maybe I mucked all that up. I will never know.
It’s amazing to me how two people that are part of the same exact story can blame one another with total conviction. I did my wrongs and I own them now. It’s hard to know someone loathes you with such visceral hatred that it can be physically felt in the tension between text messages. Sometimes I want to scream. “THIS IS NOT THE NARRATIVE! YOU HAVE IT ALL WRONG!” But how do you say that to someone who has already made up their mind? How do you say that to someone who has been conditioned to believe their own narrative for the sake of their sanity and heart?
The truth is, you can’t. You just have to go on living and hope for the best out of life. You can’t make anyone believe what they don’t want to believe, especially when the lie has been repeated over and over. Maybe it’s for the best. I am not really sure, but what I do know is that I am not in control of everyone else. Only myself.
Does a narcissist know they’re a narcissist? Does an emotionally abusive person know they’re emotionally abusive? I have always wondered. I have never gotten much in the way of a straight answer out of anyone regarding all of that. I don’t think anyone really knows. I tend to think they don’t know. Maybe I would just like to think that. That’s what I told myself regarding my ex for so long, it’s how I justified staying until I saw that damage it was doing to our son.
I guess, in the end, my side is mine and mine to tell. His side is his and his to tell. I think only God knows the actual truth and that’s His to tell.