After the kids went to bed last night, I sat at my kitchen table and took a deep breath. I started thinking about something my mom told me a couple of months ago.
I was in class and she was feeding the kids. She had my Dragon on film staring and talking with someone in front of her. My mom swore up and down that Dragon must have seen something.
I don’t even believe in ghosts. God? Yes. Ghosts? Nah.
Then the next day she came running into the bathroom, “YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHAT UNICORN SAID!”
Naturally I am thinking of every offensive thing that may have been said in front of my son in the last 4 years of his life, but I was interrupted.
“HE SAID HE SAW ANGELS IN THE KITCHEN!” she squealed, “I TOLD YOU DRAGON SAW SOMETHING!”
She proceeded to tell me about how she noticed Unicorn staring at the ceiling and then waiving and talking to said ceiling. Thinking it was a reflection, my mom looked up, but saw nothing. When she asked him what he was looking at he told her, angels. My mom asked him to repeat and point and he did so.
I guess we have angels in our kitchen. I believe it. I mean, I know it doesn’t sound reasonable, but all the shit the kids and I had been through in the months leading to that moment made me realize that literally, anything is possible.
Back to the kitchen table. I was sitting there remembering the story about the angels in the kitchen and I started to think about God. You won’t catch me posting a lot about God, not because I don’t believe, but because it’s my faith and despite what everyone else might think about it, it’s personal. If you want to hear about it, you let me know.
God. Had He been with me all along? I was reminded when I was asked to meet with our pastor who, at the time, was meant to convince me to get back together with my ex because that’s what all pastors typically do. I was nervous, but resigned to open my heart to God and tell the truth.
Sometimes when I need a “sign” I go to the interwebs and type in “random bible verse” and click whatever the 1st link is that Google presents me with. Sitting in the parking lot of that Baptist church, I Googled that same thing and this is what God (or Google, to some they may be the same) gave me:
Psalm 31:24 New International Version (NIV)
24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the Lord.
That was it. Simple, but oh so relevant. So, long story short, I walked in strong and with resolve to be honest and walked out with the preacher’s blessing. he said he would pray for a miracle, but ultimately unless he changes (which hasn’t happened unfortunately), I made the right choice for my kids and me.
Back to the kitchen. All these thoughts were ruminating through my brain and I realized, Jesus. God answers prayers in the most fucked up way possible sometimes. I wrote the following in a fury:
You know when you pray for something and you have this picture in your mind about what those answered prayers look like?
Sometimes, if you really pay attention, the answers may look like the opposite of what you pictured.
- Yelling to stop
- Depression to stop
- His parents to be closer to my kids
- My family to be closer to us
I would not have the answers to my prayers if I had not left him.
Thank God for answered prayers.
And I meant that then and mean it now.
Thank God for answered prayers and angels in the kitchen.