The Bathroom at Work Part 1

(This will be an ongoing series since I constantly have bathroom catastrophes.)

Sigh. I am never using the bathroom at work again.

So, every morning I drop my stuff off at my desk and go use the restroom because it’s a 40 minute drive and I have a baby hugging my bladder. I always use the big handicap stall because it’s big and I am big so we are a perfect match.

So, I plop down as usual to take a quick tinkle and I notice it smells a little shitty. I thought maybe whomever had used it before me had just gone number two. No biggie. Shit happens.

Well, the smell started getting stronger and I was like, there is no way this is just lingering fecal funk. No. I went to get up and looked down to pull up my chonies (which thankfully were at my ankles and not on the floor) and there it was…


Someone had shat on the floor and tried to clean it up, but only succeeded in smearing it all over the floor. I hadn’t noticed because their poo was the same color as the tile. Naturally, I shouted “Noooo!!!!” and hopped over the shitty tiles to the non shitty tiles with my panties still around my calves and managed to face-plant into the stall door. I stumbled out of the stall, and mid-pantie raise (I am wearing a maxi-dress btw) someone else comes into the restroom. So she stared at me for a moment, my dress hiked up and my panties at my thighs and just shook her head and walked into a stall. I didn’t know what to say to I just washed my hands and exited the bathroom. I took off my shoes at the bathroom door and went back to my desk barefoot.

THEN, as a COURTESY I send a firm-wide email letting the women know not to use the handicap stall in the ladies room, to which I received an overwhelming respond of “Ew, gross. You shouldn’t have emailed everyone that.”


THEN, I email the receptionist so she can email the building manager and have someone clean up the mess. I go into detail because I know the receptionist rather well. I never got a response from her, which I thought was odd. So I walk up there a few minutes ago only to discover that there is a temp sitting in her place. A very mortified looking temp. Of course. I tried to walk away unnoticed, but one of my other coworkers was all like “Hey Ashley!” And the temp was all like “YOU’RE Ashley?” And I just walked away.

I don’t have time for all of this shit today.

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