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The Bathroom at Work Part 1

(This will be an ongoing series since I constantly have bathroom catastrophes.)

Sigh. I am never using the bathroom at work again.

So, every morning I drop my stuff off at my desk and go use the restroom because it’s a 40 minute drive and I have a baby hugging my bladder. I always use the big handicap stall because it’s big and I am big so we are a perfect match.

So, I plop down as usual to take a quick tinkle and I notice it smells a little shitty. I thought maybe whomever had used it before me had just gone number two. No biggie. Shit happens.

Well, the smell started getting stronger and I was like, there is no way this is just lingering fecal funk. No. I went to get up and looked down to pull up my chonies (which thankfully were at my ankles and not on the floor) and there it was…

A SHIT SHOW.

Someone had shat on the floor and tried to clean it up, but only succeeded in smearing it all over the floor. I hadn’t noticed because their poo was the same color as the tile. Naturally, I shouted “Noooo!!!!” and hopped over the shitty tiles to the non shitty tiles with my panties still around my calves and managed to face-plant into the stall door. I stumbled out of the stall, and mid-pantie raise (I am wearing a maxi-dress btw) someone else comes into the restroom. So she stared at me for a moment, my dress hiked up and my panties at my thighs and just shook her head and walked into a stall. I didn’t know what to say to I just washed my hands and exited the bathroom. I took off my shoes at the bathroom door and went back to my desk barefoot.

THEN, as a COURTESY I send a firm-wide email letting the women know not to use the handicap stall in the ladies room, to which I received an overwhelming respond of “Ew, gross. You shouldn’t have emailed everyone that.”

Well, I AM SORRY I DON’T WANT TO WALK AROUND WITH AN OFFICE FULL OF SHITTY SHOED WOMEN!

THEN, I email the receptionist so she can email the building manager and have someone clean up the mess. I go into detail because I know the receptionist rather well. I never got a response from her, which I thought was odd. So I walk up there a few minutes ago only to discover that there is a temp sitting in her place. A very mortified looking temp. Of course. I tried to walk away unnoticed, but one of my other coworkers was all like “Hey Ashley!” And the temp was all like “YOU’RE Ashley?” And I just walked away.

I don’t have time for all of this shit today.

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